I don't even know where to start really. I'm a writer and I'm at a loss for words. Don't expect this to be very poetic or well written. Today, has shocked our family, floored us, left us speechless, dizzy, and utterly broken.

I realize that not everyone grew up the same way I did, or had the same values taught to them. Some may read this and not understand the severity of hurt this has caused. But to those that grew up like me, taught from the beginning that there is nothing more important than family, they are your blood, your root to your identity, and no matter what, even if you don't like each other, when there's a crisis or tragedy, you are there for each other, no matter what. Growing up, my cousins weren't my cousins, they were my brothers. We all always had a special bond, no matter how far apart we drifted or how many years passed between contact.

Last night, one of those brothers was taken from us.

Terry was a navy sailor, he recently got married, and had just signed up for his second tour aboard a naval air craft carrier. They were still in port preparing to leave. Last night he was found in his room on board, someone shot him.

Everyone deals with death differently, I'm no stranger to it. I've experienced many losses over the years. Death by bad health, accidents, personal stupidity, old age; I can handle these things. But I'm am (and my family) having a hard time wrapping my brain around this one. That someone knowingly and intentionally shot Terry. He was not a confrontational person. He was a good kid. Happy go lucky, LOVED his job, loved his wife, loved life, he was not the type to cause trouble or go looking for it. He was one of the most genuine, good, down to earth, loving people. I remember him as a kid growing up. HIs nickname was Doogie because he looked just like Doogie Houser (Neil Patrick Harris). He was so shy that he wouldn't even speak unless he was spoken to. Always polite, extremely bright, and sweet. The navy opened him up and taught him to be more outgoing, to live life, to enjoy life.

There is an investigation underway right now to determine what happened. I'm sure that I'm not even supposed to be talking about this as it is. My parents have been searching for information about it and the ship all day and have already both been contacted by the goverment, one that they need to stop searching and the other that they would be monitored. I, nor anyone else, believe for a second that Terry took his own life. Not only was it not his character, but he didn't own a gun nor was he allowed to carry one on board. He was a firefighter. He had just signed up to take his second tour, he was looking forward to it, even though he had to leave his wife behind. But the sad truth that we are facing, is that we may never know what happened.

He is the last person in the world that I would have ever expected anything happening to. I would have been shocked about a car accident, little less something like this. My heart breaks for his wife. It will be a hard road ahead for all involved. And I know that some of you are going to insist on worrying about me. Don't. I'm not a fragile doll. As I said before, death is no stranger, and those of you that know my past know this. So please, no one try mothering me. It won't be well received. But I do want to take this time to tell you all I love you. Hold your loved ones close and tell them you love them. No argument is big enough to stop that. Life is too short to hate and be bitter. Love each other while you can.

As I find out more, I will post (if I'm allowed). Now it is a waiting game.

I love you Terry